Anna
Osuna
PAS 114B
D.A. Broadus
February 21,
2001
Juven Peer Critique
·
The
organization of your essay was good it flowed well since their was really no
dialogue it was not too confusing to follow
·
The structure
of your essay was good as well, it was not confusing and neatly organized
·
I
like that you gave the story some suspense we can tell that the narrator has
already gone through the experience, it makes the audience feel like they want
to know what he knows.
·
You
may want to add some description of the narrator too just so the audience gains
some knowledge on how he looks compared to the antagonist of the story, this
could be an important key just a suggestion
·
The
tone of the essay is right on track with what your writing about it has a
suspenseful, mysterious feel to it the suspense is what attracts the audience
so try to play with that
·
Your
evidence seemed a little lacking at first but I saw you described the neighbor
of the protagonist really well so we know what he is about and the suspicion he
gives off to your main character
·
The
voice/ narrator is strong he could describe things in more detail to paint a
really good visual image in the audiences head from the start of your essay,
for example you could describe the Colorado neighborhood he lives in a little
bit more but it all depends on what way you are leading the story in
·
There
was no grammar problems I came across the sentences may be a little choppy but
they all incorporate different thoughts so it might not sound to bad
·
Read
your essay out loud to find what goes and what doesn’t that tends to help me a
lot. Overall the essay was good though I enjoyed it because it kept the
audience on their toes
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