Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Project Text Essay


Anna Osuna
24 April 2012
Professor Broadous
PAS114 B
Literary Analysis
Yearning for Identity
In the summer of 1952 Ralph Ellison began to write the Invisible Man. The Invisible Man is Ellison’s most recognized novel because it illuminated the truth of the social and racial situation currently affecting African Americans. In the era of the 1940s, slavery had recently been put to an end and the African American race finally gained their rights, or so it was said. In fact blacks were still viewed as second-class citizens and treated with less value then an animal. They were humiliated by whites and taught they had neither existence nor real place in society. Ralph Ellison should not be applauded for explaining the racial and social issues, but that he was able to do it from the perspective of a black man. Ralph Ellison explained to a reporter in an interview,“ too many books by Negro Writers are addressed to a white audience. By doing this authors run the risk of limiting themselves to the audience’s presumption of what a Negro is or should be”(Chester and Howard. 292) The point Ellison is trying to the explain to interviewer and in novel is clear: the danger of under minding oneself rather then seeking ones own identity will never bring change. African American writers and individuals during the time of segregation were scared of announcing to the world what was truly going on beneath the surface of the racial and social struggles. Ellison chose not only to address the oppression brought upon their race but also the oppression African Americans brought among themselves due to fear. This is the problem we see in many of characters through out the novel: for example in Dr. Bledsoe, the grandfather, and the narrator. However, unlike the narrator the grandfather, and Dr. Bledsoe were unable to find their own individuality because they chose to undermine, lie, and aspire to become like the white man opposed to embracing who they truly were. 
            The grandfather of the narrator wanted to keep the peace between the blacks and whites. He did not want to say anything to draw any attention towards himself nor his grandchildren because he feared the white man. The only way thought of surviving in this era was by cooperating with the white race. The mentality of cooperation towards whites was impeded in African Americans since the time of slavery, and is all they could pass on to their youth. For example the narrators grandfather advised to the future generations, “ Son after I’m gone I want you to keep up the good fight. I never told you, but our life is a way and I have been a traitor all my born days, a spy in the enemy’s county ever since I give up my gun back in the Reconstruction. Live with your head in the lions mouth, I want you to overcome em’ with yeses, undermine em’ with grin, agree ‘em to death and destruction…..Learn it to the younguns” (Ellison. 6). What the grandfather depicts through this quote is that he felt as he had fought in the civil war and still obtained no place in society. He further explains that “he put his gun down” representing he was giving up fighting for equality and accepted his reality for what is was. Also telling his son “ live with your head in the lions mouth…undermine em’ with grin” meaning to undermine himself by projecting to the society that the suppression the black race was experiencing was acceptable.
            The Reconstruction was a period in time when blacks were free from slavery and attempted to be integrated into society. Promises to the African American communities of equality were made but never fulfilled. Instead the law of separate but equal was created and defined as “pertaining to a racial policy by which blacks may be segregated if granted equal opportunities and facilities, as for education, transportation, or jobs.” (Separate but Equal). This law was adopted because of the Plessy vs. Freguson case and resulted in segregation and discrimination towards the black race. At this point, black citizens were fed up with fighting and not seeing any progress. For example the narrator says“ about eighty-five years ago they were told that they were free, united with others of our country in everything pertaining to the common good, and, in everything social, separate like the fingers of the hand, And they believed it. They exulted it. They stayed in their place, worked hard, and brought up my father to the same” (Ellison. 15-16). Originally “when emancipated blacks pursued equality, they demanded the franchise on the same basis as that exercised by whites” (Civil Rights in America). The African American race soon found out the reconstruction was only a tease of gaining equality. In reality the only way blacks could gain power was undermining their position in society and playing the role of “ignorant black man”, just as the grandfather does in the novel. However in the process the grandfather let his individuality be stolen from him and is a mistake made probably ever person at one point of their life. This type of self-sabotage prevents you from performing and living at your full potential giving people the opportunity to think less of you as an individual.           
Dr. Bledsoe is the black president at the university the narrator attends. In the beginning of the novel the narrator is enchanted with Dr. Bledsoe “ he was an example of everything he hoped to be: Influential with wealthy men all over the country; consulted in matters concerning the race; a leader of his people; the possessor of not one, but two Cadillac’s, a good salary and a soft good looking and creamy complexioned wife” (Ellison. 100). Dr. Bledsoe was the narrator’s ideal role model, until he realized Dr. Bledsoe was a coward and seeking only his self-interest. Dr. Bledsoe is a key example of how undermining the white society was actually letting down the black community. Dr. Bledsoe viewed himself as an authority figure not equal to the rich white but a “holder” of power over the black race. For example “ The white folks tell everybody what to think, except men like me. I will tell them; that’s my life, telling white folk how to think about the things I know about the things I know about. Shocks you, doesn’t it? Well, that’s the way it is. It’s a nasty deal and I don’t always like myself, But you listen I’ve made my place in it, and I’ll have every Negro in the Country hanging on tree limbs by morning if it means staying where I am” (Ellison.141). Dr. Bledsoe addressed this to the narrator when he was being expelled from school for taking Mr. Norton to the Golden Day. Mr. Norton was one of the founders of the black university the narrator attended. The reason he got expelled from school was because Dr. Bledsoe believed “ we take these white folks where we want them to go, we show them what we want them to see”(Ellison.102). The Golden Day was a bar in the slave quarter section of the school and when taken into the bar Mr. Norton and the narrator encountered black veterans and prostitutes. Dr. Bledsoe was ashamed of this part of the school and crestfallen to be African American.  Most importantly he was ashamed to acknowledge that the veterans in the bar were just as much a part of him as he was of them. Dr. Bledsoe should have never apologized to Mr. Norton for what he had saw at the Golden Day because apologizing showed he was shameful of where he came from. For a minute the narrator even believed white people needed to help “us poor, ignorant, people out of the mire and darkness” (Ellison. 99). Mr. Norton needed to see the reality and the result slavery had among the African American race.
Nevertheless, Dr. Bledsoe believed “the only way to please a white man is to tell him a lie” (Ellison.139). This mentality he retained was wrong. Sabotaging the white race and lying to them only covered up the feelings of invisibility they internalized, it did not fix them. For example Dr. Bledsoe says “ the only ones I even pretend to please are big white folks, and even those I control more then they control me. This is a power set-up, son, and I’m at the controls. You think about that. When you buck against me, your bucking against power, rich white folk’s power-which means government power” (Ellison. 142) This quote illustrated Dr. Bledsoe as a hypocrite because he claimed he wanted to uplift the race but then says he would hang every negro if meant keeping his power. These two statements contradict each other because you cannot help someone if you are resentful of them. The audiences uncovers he is a fake and only cares about keeping the race and himself as “the ignorant black man”.  Dr. Bledsoe was only fooling himself when he thought he had control over the white men because even regardless of his high authority for example the narrator says” they could laugh at him but they couldn’t ignore him’ (Ellison.101) Exposing that even with his high standing position, and trying desperately to be white, he would never gain respect.
            The narrator played a major role of realizing the way to gain power was not through undermining the white race but was accepting yourself for who you are. In the epilogue he gains his sense of individuality by saying “ and my problem was that I always tried to go in everyone’s way but my own. I have also been called one thing and then another while no one really wished to hear what I called myself. So after years of trying to adopt the opinions of others I finally rebelled I am the invisible man” (Ellison.575). Unlike his grandfather and Dr. Bledsoe he realized in order to overcome racism was to acknowledge yourself as an individual rather then fitting the expectations whites had of blacks. Richard Nixon once said “ any fellow who tries to tell me that you can do these things by force (desegregation) is just plain nuts” (Education and Civil Rights) Richard Nixon was only being truthful because after so much trauma afflicted to the black race, how could Americans expect desegregation to fix the mental strain we currently see in African Americans to this day? The United States might have put segregation to an end but the healing process of African Americans and minorities who experienced these events will take centuries to fix just as it was created.
            Overall, Ralph Ellison expressed a an interesting thought when being interviewed, “ if the negro, or any other writer, is going to do what is expected of him, he’s lost the battle before he takes the field. I suspect that all the agony that goes into writing is borne precisely because the writer long for acceptance-but it must be acceptance on his own terms”(Chester and Howard. 292). Ellison touches once again the theme of the novel; the danger of undermining oneself rather then seeking ones own identity. In his response he points out by trying to please others you have already lost because you should live for yourself. This problem is not only felt by the African American race but homosexuals, lesbians, Hispanic, Asians, Whites, Europeans, and almost everybody in the world. Society cannot blame the African Americans for undermining themselves because at the time they felt as that is all they could do. The help of authors like Ralph Ellison, activist, and the of course the people: blacks and minorities have earned civil rights and hopefully learn to embrace oneself for who they are.





Work Cited
Chester, Alfred and Vilma Howard. “An Interview with Ralph Ellison”. International Library of negro life and history. Lindsay Patterson. New York: Publishers Company, 1970. Print.
“Civil Rights in America: Racial Voting Rights”. National Park Service, U.S. Department of the Interior National Historic Landmarks Program. 2012. 24 April 2012. Web.
“ Education and Civil Rights”. History Learning Site. 2012. 24 April 2012. Web.
Ellison, Ralph. Invisible Man. New York: Random House, 1952. Print.
“Separate but Equal” Dictionary.com. 2012. 24 April 2012. Web.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Project Text


Anna Osuna 
Professor Broadous 
PAS 114 B 
23 April 2012 

Ana Gonzales Peer Critique 

Voice/ Tone: 

● You had a strong thesis statement because you automatically let the audience 
know your standing point and what you were going to express in the paper 

● You supported the prompt you chose to focus on the theme of person vs. society 
in the book I believe. 

●  I think if you provided more evidence you could support your evidence better 

Audience: 

● You spoke to the audience well in the beginning I got lost with your focal point 
of the essay but you regain your focus later you might want to make your first 
couple of paragraphs clearer so the audience does not get lost. 

● I think your paper was informative and straight forward and attracted the 
audiences attention 

Evidence: 

● The evidence is strong, the quotes you chose from the book support your 
statement of people vs. society. 

● A suggestion is that you should try to focus on different parts of the book to make 
your point even stronger for example the brotherhood.

Structure: 
● The structure of the essay is organized besides some paragraphs that would maybe 
work better with the pervious like the second and third 
● I am not sure if Authority looks good being capitalized it is distracting to me 
personally so maybe it will be the the reader. 

Organization: 

● Your paper used a broad vocabulary in compared to many other essays I have 
read 

● I never got lost during your essay besides the evidence in the second paragraph 
can be confusing but you get back on track the next paragraph after. 

Meaning: 

● The meaning is clear that the power between races in society is unfair and unclear 

● The meaning is also straightforward and not sugar coated and very informative. It 
makes the meaning stronger because you have evidence and drive behind it 

● Overall your essay was good I think if you decided to go back and add even 
stronger evidence your paper could even be better. Branch out to other areas of 
the book so you can show many parts of the book support this theme not just one 
character. The organization was neat and easy to read. 


Monday, March 26, 2012

Juven Peer Critique


Anna Osuna
23, March 2012
Professor Broadous
PAS114 B
Juven Critique
Voice/ Tone: The tone of the essay was strong and direct, your thesis was stated at the 
end of the first paragraph. However instead of using I, I would try talking in the third 
person because the reader who is grading your paper may deduct points from your 
total grade but I know using I is important in this particular essay because of the 
comparison you use with your reality and the homeless.
Audience: The comparison you used with your living situation and the homeless really 
drew me in and I am sure it would draw the audience in as well. It made your essay 
more personal which always is good for connecting with the audience.
Organization: The organization of this essay was good but I suggest that you combine 
the first and second paragraph together because the second seemed as it would flow 
better with the first and your introduction was short. The paragraphs flowed 
pretty good but each topic you are addressing in each paragraph could be more straight 
forward so the reader does not get confused. At times some sentence seemed a little 
brief and incomplete.
Meaning: The meaning of the essay was deep and touching to anyone who would read 
it. 
Evidence: The evidence in this essay needs to be strong you could have used outside 
resources to your advantage more then you did. With resources and more examples to 
the world of homeless families and individuals currently would make the essay 100 
percent stronger. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Project Space: Chasing Pavements


Osuna 1
Anna Osuna
Professor Broadous
PAS 114B
22 March 2012
Chasing Pavements
The space around you defines who you are; your house, your car, your room, your clothes, your shoes, and your family are what normal citizens of the Untied States are accustom to having. Due to the downfall of the economy many normal middle class people are finding themselves left without jobs, money, homes, and eventually find themselves homeless. How would you feel if everything you once had was swept beneath your feet without warning? Most people consider homeless people to be dirty, crazy, substance abusers, and lazy. However they forget that some people who are homeless did not choose to be this way some use to be middle class citizens like you and I that had unfortunate luck. The reality of poverty in the United States and around the world is continually increasing. This dramatic change of space defines these people differently then the average citizen like you and myself. People who become homeless change dramatically their personality and morals shift entirely due to the circumstances they are now left with. I was asked to visit a homeless shelter and I choose the Los Angeles Mission. The Los Angeles Mission is located on East Fifth Street in the City of Los Angeles. Their location is in the heart of Skid Row, one of the largest stable populations of homeless people in the United States. The Los Angeles Mission offers “hot meals, safe shelter, clothing, personal care, and life-
Osuna 2
transforming long-term rehabilitation to hungry, hurting and homeless men, women and children” (Los Angeles). Entering the Los Angeles mission no one would know what to except or how to react to the people of the shelter but once I did I saw benches of homeless men and women sitting down and relaxing. They had all their belongings gathered and held as closely next to them as possible. After we were escorted outside to the jacket give away I saw the frantic individual outside waiting fighting for their place in line to receive anything given to them. What struck me the most is that I saw a mother and her daughter in line as well. I had never seen a homeless child before and I observed her and her mother I realized that not all people chose this life. Volunteering at a shelter will realize living on the streets is another world you would never imagine encountering. The streets of Los Angeles is the reality of these citizens but by observing these people I learned to never judge a situation until you really think of the circumstances. Many women, men, and children become homeless not because they are lazy but due to mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, and financial and life circumstances. We must not forget that we can improve the circumstances for these people by improving programs geared towards the homeless.
.              Many women and children become homeless due to domestic violence.  For example “When a woman leaves an abusive relationship she has nowhere to go” (Domestic) due to “ lack of affordable housing and long waiting list for assisted housing mean that many women and their children are forced to choose between abuse at home or life on the streets. Moreover, shelters are frequently filled to capacity and must turn away battered women and their children. An estimated 29% of requests for shelter by homeless families were denied in 2006 due to lack of resources” (Domestic). Women and children who become homeless due to domestic violence
Osuna 3
have are already unstable and being put on the streets only intensifies the trauma they are dealing currently dealing with. Watching the mother and her family in the shelter you could tell the difference between their family and the average, the mother was constantly watching her surroundings to protect her children. You would only imagine how uncomfortable and fearful her and her family must be. “A ford foundation study stated 50 percent of homeless women and children are fleeing abuse” (Domestic). A number of shelters have been created specifically for domestic violence victims such as the House of Ruth, the Jenesse Center, the Haven House, Valley Oasis, and many others. These facilities offer shelter, food, programs, opportunity, and education to help further their re entry into the working society.
            Many people are also homeless due to mental illness. For instance “ 20 to 25 percent of the homeless population in the United States suffers from some form of Mental illness” (Mental). Whether these individuals are schizophrenic, bi-polar, or anti-social they are unable to sustain a normal life within society due to their mental condition. Many people say “why don’t they just get help?” because many mentally ill individuals loose control over their illness, along with some may not be able to afford to pay for their medication or chose not to take it. “Serious mental illnesses disrupt people’s ability to carry out essential aspects of daily life, such as self care and household management” (Mental). Explaining why so many mental ill people end being homeless because of their mental illness these individuals develop poor heath. “ Mental illness may cause people to neglect taking the necessary precautions against disease.  When combined with inadequate hygiene due to homelessness, this may lead to physical problems such as respiratory infections, skin diseases, or exposure to tuberculosis or HIV” (Mental). Many mental ill are raped because their “psychiatric condition may impair the ability of some homeless
Osuna 4
women to identify and avoid potentially violent situations” (Community) Substances abuse is also a cause of homelessness individuals become so dependent on drugs and alcohol they loose their family, friends, and often their jobs. “ Substance abuse is the single largest cause of homelessness” (Substance) In many situations substance abuse is a result of being homeless rather then a cause of homeless individuals who are homeless turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with their feelings and is an easy escape.
            Not all homeless have any self-problems at all some just had unfortunate luck talking to one a homeless mother, who preferred to stay anonymous stated “ everyday is a constant struggle, where they are going to stay, who they are going to encounter, how the whether is going to treat them that night” things the average American probably does not have to think about on a day to day bases but for this mother this was her reality. This is what is happening to many middle class citizens due to the recession and it is said numbers are bound to keep rising. Many individuals have lost their jobs, their houses, and end up having no choice but living on the streets. “ I never appreciated what I had before but now everyday I have learned to appreciate the little stuff I have here at LA Mission” the women said. “The government considers a family of four to be impoverished if they take in less than $22,000 a year”(CBS) which is very common now because of the lack of jobs in American. An individual who becomes homeless may start stealing become untrusting, to themselves, and develop paranoia; opposed to before they were carefree, loud, cheerful, and trusted the majority of people. Living on the streets is a different world these people never know what to expect they are living by day-to-day and only hope to survive. They no longer have anything they can call their own except the few belonging they have left. Their entire space has been violated and shaped them into individuals who have to fend
Osuna 5
for themselves. “I do not really know who to trust anymore”, stated the women. This epidemic needs to come to an end the United States needs to improve their tactics in trying to get these people all the streets so they can live safe and secure life’s because that is their right. No one should deserve to struggle whether they were mental ill, or use to live in a four-bedroom house and now have to sleep on the cold pavement of the sidewalks each night.
The Untied States needs to put their best foot forwards and improve their programs to keep people off the streets and having to resort living on the streets. Starting off with offering better programs to help the mentally ill and substance abusers, which end up going hand in hand. Many mentally ill are substance abusers but cannot find anywhere willing to help them to recover. “Many programs for homeless people with mental illnesses do not accept people with substance abuse disorders, and many programs for homeless substance abusers do not treat people with mental illnesses”(Substance). What does not make sense is if these people have both of these issues, why are they not qualifying for the help? Also, “Better mental health services would combat not only mental illness, but homelessness as well”(Mental). More funding towards these programs would help provide more housing for homeless individuals but the programs should be sure that they are providing the housing to the right people. For example “even if homeless individuals with mental illnesses are provided with housing, they are unlikely to achieve residential stability and remain off the streets unless they have access to continued treatment and services” (Mental) Housing should not be wasted on people who do not have the mental stability yet to get back on their feet. Housing should first be provided to those without illness, and those with mental and substance abuse issues should be put in rehabilitation programs that can help support their success to stability. Homelessness is a tragedy that needs to and can be stopped.
Osuna 6
People should not be having to live on the streets although some people do live on the streets by choice it does not mean they have no value to this society. These people are as important as a middle class American in this nation, they have purpose; they have feelings, and deserve the right to be given a second chance if they are willing to take it. The United States should not just give up on these people and throw them away because if you were in their shoes wouldn’t you want to be helped?

















Osuna 7
Work Cited
"Domestic Violence and Homelessness." Nationalhomeless.org. The National Coalition for the Homeless, Aug. 2007. Web.
"Los Angeles Mission." About History. Web. 26 Mar. 2012. <http://www.losangelesmission.org/AboutUs/History.aspx>.
Heslin, Kevin C., Paul L. Robisonson, Richard S. Baker, and Lilian Gelbery. "Community Characteristics and Violence against Homeless Women in Los Angeles." 1-4. Print.
"Homeless Children: The Hard times Generation." CBSNews. CBS Interactive, 06 Mar. 2011. Web. 22 Mar. 2012. <http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-18560_162-20038927.html>.
"Mental Illness and Homeless." Nationalhomeless.org. The National Coalition for the Homeless, July 2009. Web.
 "Substance Abuse and Homelessness." Nationalhomeless.org. The National Coalition for the Homeless, July 2009. Web.






            

            

Project Space: Justin Boyd Peer Critique


Anna Osuna
PAS 114B
March 22, 2012
Professor Broadous 

Justin Boyd Peer Critique: The Untouchables
Overall your essay was good the only thing I noticed is that you started off strong but you seemed to loose the power behind your essay here and there. Your first paragraph made it clear to the audience what your intentions and thesis were. I automatically knew that you took the standing point that homeless people need help from our government in order for them to succeed and get back on their feet. Your tone was definitely strong but depending on the audience they may see this paper as a little harsh towards the homeless population but your writing was so confident and straightforward that they will not even notice. I compliment you because you were able to say your beliefs and not be scared to displease the audience. However you also have to remember that this is a exploratory essay so maybe you should not make the paper sound like an opinion. Your structure and organization was good you wrote it in MLA format and remembered to put the page numbers at the top of each page. The grammar of this paper was not bad but some of the sentences seemed a little brief as if the sentence was not completed. The meaning of your essay was easily identified and I think you brought up good points in your essay you had five citations and used them to your advantage. Your evidence did support the points you made but I think your conclusion should be more captivating since your first paragraph was so strong. I would suggest that maybe you leave the audience thinking so they could actually internalize the information you just proposed in your paper. I did enjoy your essay though but I think if you just went back and supported your points with even more evidence it would be even better.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Marielle Ordono Peer Critique


Anna Osuna
PAS 114B
2/23/2012
Marielle Ordono: The company of Guilt
Your essay started out very good alive with description, and vivid images for the audience to easily get hooked but I felt as you did not carry this out throughout the entire essay. Although you did provide many details you did not make it clear to the audience why these details were needed. I feel as you should of introduced the sister dying earlier to the reader, instead of letting them go through the whole stories with just a hint of what was going to happen. Your organization of your essay was good well laid out in appearance, however I felt some of the events that took place had no connection to the story. For example you could of added a better event that would of improved your story instead of neighbor coming over.  The tone of your essay was good, it started out strong and ended strong but it seemed to kind of get lost in the middle. I feel as you should of got to the point of the story faster because the audience may drift off and become confused if you do not. The evidence of what happened was good you did not leave out how it impacted the girl. Your grammar was overall good I did not see many mistake maybe a couple of words that you missed. Overall the story line was not bad it was good and relatable to many people, however you could of laid it out to the reader better. I did love that you ended the story with your title.

Juven Peer Critique


Anna Osuna
PAS 114B
D.A. Broadus
February 21, 2001
Juven Peer Critique

·      The organization of your essay was good it flowed well since their was really no dialogue it was not too confusing to follow
·      The structure of your essay was good as well, it was not confusing and neatly organized
·      I like that you gave the story some suspense we can tell that the narrator has already gone through the experience, it makes the audience feel like they want to know what he knows.
·      You may want to add some description of the narrator too just so the audience gains some knowledge on how he looks compared to the antagonist of the story, this could be an important key just a suggestion
·      The tone of the essay is right on track with what your writing about it has a suspenseful, mysterious feel to it the suspense is what attracts the audience so try to play with that
·      Your evidence seemed a little lacking at first but I saw you described the neighbor of the protagonist really well so we know what he is about and the suspicion he gives off to your main character
·      The voice/ narrator is strong he could describe things in more detail to paint a really good visual image in the audiences head from the start of your essay, for example you could describe the Colorado neighborhood he lives in a little bit more but it all depends on what way you are leading the story in
·      There was no grammar problems I came across the sentences may be a little choppy but they all incorporate different thoughts so it might not sound to bad
·      Read your essay out loud to find what goes and what doesn’t that tends to help me a lot. Overall the essay was good though I enjoyed it because it kept the audience on their toes

The Golden Arche


Osuna 1
Anna Osuna
PAS 114B
February 22, 2012
Narrative Essay
The Golden Arche
He walked with elegance, a stride that would capture the eyes of any women that crossed his path. Sleek boned with the eyes of a panther, strong but outrageous, you would of never guessed his life style. School was never been his strongest point, he had a hard time focusing on single topics so school was not a fit for him, although he may not be the brightest, he had persistence combined with the motivation to succeed, but he did not live for school. His parent’s richer then rich paying for every penny of the enormous tuition needing to be paid to even stay in USC. His destiny was music, the world of the blues is what he lived for, and his sidekick the saxophone. Many people would look at him and squint their noses and ask again
“Well that is a nice hobby but what is your real major?” and once again he would reply music. However, now a day most folks say you either get it all or you get nothing, or some claim it is just pure luck to make it to the top, some even chose to neglect their passion and just address that part of their lives as a dream but Jeremy, Jeremy is all about persistence or so he claims but is persistence what pulls him through day after day of struggles? No it is the character of the individual who is able to break through the waters surface each and every morning. You see Jeremy Alvarado will never take no for an answer, because the golden arch, the saxophone strapped around his back is what plays his life’s stories, it is his best companion, his soul mate, his worst enemy, and his passion all wrapped up in not the object itself but the music that gracefully streams out of the mouth of the instrument.
Jeremy is captivated by the blues a genre not greatly appreciated by kids now a days Not that that Jeremy is a kid he would be 23 to be exact and should have been graduating from college this year along with his class. .  You may be wondering my relation to Jeremy  ,and what purpose he serves to me. So let me introduce myself my name is Professor Benit Grey a jazz musician, who attended the school of music at NYU. I am currently teaching woodwinds in Los Angeles at the University of California. What sets Jeremy aside from the other 2,000 kids in his class was I witnessed his murder and murdered for a reason you have no control over. Jeremy was gay constantly struggling to be accepted by his peers and his parents. He believed going to school would fulfill the resentment they choose to keep against him for a choice that was not his. Jeremy was a quite kid and never gave up on his dreams, until they were taken from him. Why I was chosen to hold such a burden I ask myself this question everyday but it is an image that will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life.
The day it happened was a casual Tuesday. The first Tuesday of the month of January in the year of 2010 the semester had just recently begun it was a beautiful cold gloomy day, the days I loved the most out of the year because it gave me such comfort. The clock struck twelve and my theory class 200 rushed out of class as if they had been prisoners there for months on end. I remember noticing Jeremy because unlike every other student he seemed in no rush to leave my classroom, he treated that chair as if it was s luxury to be sitting in it, and he was going to absorb every last minute in it.
“Well Hello Jeremy how was your winter break?” I asked, he looked at me and replied
 “ It was good, I just turned 21 last Thursday so I am pretty excited, that I finally can go out and get drunk whenever I want” he laughed, “I am just kidding but I did go to Vegas with my boyfriend and a couple of my really good friends, it was super fun” he smiled
“That sounds fun, how is your music coming along? Any questions or anything I could help you with?” I asked waiting for his response, he took a couple of minutes to decide whether he wanted to answer that question, he squinted his eyebrows together as if he was thinking really hard into something.
“Yes “, he answered with regret in voice
 “ And what is it I can help you with sir?” asking as I scrambled through my brief case,
“ Well I have been writing this song and I feel as if it needs a good opinion and I really do feel as if yours would come of great use to me, so I was wondering if I could play you what I have, I even brought you a copy of the sheet music I have been writing out.”, he said handing me the piece.
 I looked up at him “ I would be honored son, you can begin whenever you are ready I will be at my desk.”
I walked slowly back to my brown desk that sat in the center of the triangular shaped room and began to start grading papers. I tried not to look at him as I waited because I know that would make him nervous but he did not seem to care. He brushed off his case and un-did the hatches one by one flinging them both open, he pulled out his golden sax he got out his mouth piece and gently grazed it with the cloth to make sure it was half ways clean, then he got out a brand new reed and placed it perfectly on the mouth piece, after he grabbed his cork grease and slide the mouth piece right over the top of the sax. He blew on it gently to make sure it was the right pitch grabbed a music stand and placed the sheet music he had brought for himself against the long neck of the stand.
“I am ready Professor Grey”  he said.
I guess I had not heard him the first time he said this but this did not stop him he began to play, what he began to play I have to admit it did not catch my attention at first it was a bit dry and common, more of a simple. Until it took a shift in mood he began to play this slow sultry mood of a piece, the piece came alive off the paper I could feel it moving through my spin, stimulating my mind but it was not the notes that moved me because music is not robotic. It was the Jeremy, who really began to shine, his figures moved in such poise no one would of guessed that this boy would be responsible for the cries that left the mouth of his saxophone. To Jeremy this song was the breathing image of his life. The saxophone played as the narrator of his music, his life, and his soul. This is what set Jeremy apart from the rest that he played with a purpose and that is what many musicians lack and can never gain because some people do not hold the heart to do that. Jeremy suddenly stopped,
” Is there anything wrong Jeremy?” I asked,.
“ Oh no this is just all I have written, so far and I am not even sure if I like it I feel the melody is too all over the place and that then it doesn’t capture the true meaning that is supposed to be purveyed through the song” he replied.
 “ Do you know that you have yourself a masterpiece right there, no song will come out perfect for the first time, but seeing someone being able to play with such passion is astonishing. Yes the piece could be worked on but do not ever doubt yourself!” he looked at me surprised but still doubted “ Are you sure I just played this to my roommate the other day and he told me it was shit?”
“ Really“ I replied, “I would not waste my time giving you a good opinion if I did not think it you were worthy of it stop doubting yourself no one is here to judge you.  Like I said your passion for this instrument is what will lead you to success, have confidence in yourself!” 
He looked up and smiled at me as if he had never heard such good feedback in his life, I was sure he had but for some reason. I swore he had but it puzzled me how could a talent such as him go unnoticed for so long. I did not care I was determined to help him because I knew he had the potential
“Why Don’t you play that In a different key for me lets say A minor since it is in c minor right now?” I asked, he started at me for a minute but did as I asked.
He held the reed to his lips closed his eyes, and gently blew in the saxophone a light A then E then a B flat all the notes gracefully falling into the air one after another creating the sound of the same song but a even richer blue sounds.  . He continued to play and I just sit and admired and then once he was finished he stopped and had the biggest smile on his face.
“ I loved the sound of that Professor but I believe I wrote it the original way for a certain purpose” he said,” You see the title on that page?”
“Yes I do” I replied as I read
“It is called breaking for a reason I do not want it to sound smooth because this song tells the engravings of my heart.” I looked back at him with a smirk on my face I had not expected this from him but I accepted it. I cannot argue with what he wants to do with his music because he is the artist and I am just the observer, here for suggestion
“ However you like it is fine with me I was just giving you suggestions, ways to play with it so you could see if you liked it another way ” I replied.
” Well thank you sir!” he smiled finally with some confidence “ well I need to get going now Professor I have another class actually.”
He got up stumbling around trying to place his saxophone as quickly as possible back into the case he grabbed his music shoved it in his case and closed the latches right, making sure nothing would get loose. I stopped him before he could run down the stairs out the door.
” Don’t let anyone along with that roommate of yours tell you that you can not play, because your talented you hear me, don’t let people get you down one thing I had to remember is that you will have your fans but you will have those people who like to comment on your music and that is okay. If every one liked it what would make it worth it!”
He looked at me as if he was still making sense in his head of what to think. He nodded his head said thank you and rushed out the door. I walked over back to my desk laid my head in my hands and began to doze off. The class that I had just taught was my last class and thank god my day is over! I sat at my desk pondering, I had never knew Jeremy had so much potential he was always just another kid in my class who I thought was not probably 100 percent sure if music was what he wanted to do for a living.  After he played that piece he walked out of here with a stride of confidence. Falling asleep at my desk I woke up around 10 at night, the janitor tapped me telling me that it was time for me to go home. I woke up slowly and gathered the papers had been grading and headed on out the long doors of the music hall. Finally getting outside the air that hit my face was cold, man I had forgotten my jacket but I guess I would have to wait until tomorrow to get it back. I kept walking hoping to catch the Starbucks still open so I could get an Americano to warm this blood of mine up. Lucky for me it did not close till 11. I went up to the register placed my order and sat down. I began to grade a paper as I waited for my drink
“Benit? Americano for Benit ” the young girl called.
 I rose up grabbed my drink gave her a couple dollars for tips and walked out the door.  Once I hit outside it was cold all over my body again but I guess I had to manage, so to get to my car faster I walked through the dorms. The hallways were long and gloomy many students were already asleep giving it was 10:30, however the dorms have always had a creepy feeling to them even a grown man like me would be scared of walking through them so late. As I was walking almost to my car I noticed a Saxophone case on the floor. I picked it up open the latches trying to figure out who’s it was and then I came across the sheet music Jeremy had given to me a few hours earlier. I closed the case and picked it up gently puzzled because why would Jeremy leave his instrument out here, something seemed wrong but I just thought to myself I am just going to hold on to it until I see him Thursday for his next class. As I continued to walk to my car I noticed the large rolling trash bin was completely knocked over, leaving trash scattered everywhere around the parking lot.
“ Kids these days I thought they can’t even take care and keep the school they were paying thousands and thousands of dollars “ I whispered to myself.
I collected the majority of the trash and went to stand the trash can back up and suddenly what appeared to be a hand flung out of the trashcan.
“Oh my god,” I yelled terrified I dropped the trashcan and began to walk away back to my car I turned back around ad began walking to the trashcan again. Once again I saw the hand appear.
“No this is not the hand of a human it has to be fake,” I said.
So I pulled the hand a little harder and sure enough it was still slightly warm. I felt tears begin to come to my eyes I kept pulling on the hand and soon pooped out the face of Jeremy beaten so bad you wouldn’t of recognized him except for the cloths that he was wearing on his back. He had bruises all over his arms but what really disturbed me is that he

had the word“fagget” in big black lettering written on his forehead. Could people have really killed this young man over him being gay? I was in shock left speechless I couldn’t even think, I felt as if I had no idea what to do or say, but I picked up my phone and dialed 911 as my first instinct and everything became a blur after that. I remember the campus police rushing as fast as they could to the scene; I sat there and watched them investigate the area and bag up Jeremy. I sat in my car until the ambulance drove off, just sitting there playing over and over again what could of happened during his last moments. It was obvious to all of us what happened that day, this boy was beaten to death because he was gay but was gay his choice or was it an identity he was born with? Even if he chose to be gay why should any one be given the right to have token his life, he was such a beautiful person but only if you would of took the time to know him you would of realized it. How could a person with such talent and grace not be given the chance to live his dream? How could someone decide to cut his life short? But I guess I will never know because the men who have been accused of this crime still have not been found guilty because lack of evidence but to me it does not matter who committed the crime but that we learn from it. I swear, I can still remember that night if it was yesterday the same thoughts still run through my head but I have finally given up looking for the answers because nothing I do can change what I has happened. The death of Jeremy had impacted many other besides myself, but I believe I got the ultimate gift that day; he shared his music with me, a big part of his life and I have the honor to be able to complete the composition hopefully the way he dreamt it. Although Jeremy did die, he will forever live in the music he wrote and the memories in my head, maybe it was not a coincidence that he played and gave me a copy of his song this day maybe it was fate, and I was given the task to carry on his passion along with mine.