Monday, March 26, 2012

Juven Peer Critique


Anna Osuna
23, March 2012
Professor Broadous
PAS114 B
Juven Critique
Voice/ Tone: The tone of the essay was strong and direct, your thesis was stated at the 
end of the first paragraph. However instead of using I, I would try talking in the third 
person because the reader who is grading your paper may deduct points from your 
total grade but I know using I is important in this particular essay because of the 
comparison you use with your reality and the homeless.
Audience: The comparison you used with your living situation and the homeless really 
drew me in and I am sure it would draw the audience in as well. It made your essay 
more personal which always is good for connecting with the audience.
Organization: The organization of this essay was good but I suggest that you combine 
the first and second paragraph together because the second seemed as it would flow 
better with the first and your introduction was short. The paragraphs flowed 
pretty good but each topic you are addressing in each paragraph could be more straight 
forward so the reader does not get confused. At times some sentence seemed a little 
brief and incomplete.
Meaning: The meaning of the essay was deep and touching to anyone who would read 
it. 
Evidence: The evidence in this essay needs to be strong you could have used outside 
resources to your advantage more then you did. With resources and more examples to 
the world of homeless families and individuals currently would make the essay 100 
percent stronger. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Project Space: Chasing Pavements


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Anna Osuna
Professor Broadous
PAS 114B
22 March 2012
Chasing Pavements
The space around you defines who you are; your house, your car, your room, your clothes, your shoes, and your family are what normal citizens of the Untied States are accustom to having. Due to the downfall of the economy many normal middle class people are finding themselves left without jobs, money, homes, and eventually find themselves homeless. How would you feel if everything you once had was swept beneath your feet without warning? Most people consider homeless people to be dirty, crazy, substance abusers, and lazy. However they forget that some people who are homeless did not choose to be this way some use to be middle class citizens like you and I that had unfortunate luck. The reality of poverty in the United States and around the world is continually increasing. This dramatic change of space defines these people differently then the average citizen like you and myself. People who become homeless change dramatically their personality and morals shift entirely due to the circumstances they are now left with. I was asked to visit a homeless shelter and I choose the Los Angeles Mission. The Los Angeles Mission is located on East Fifth Street in the City of Los Angeles. Their location is in the heart of Skid Row, one of the largest stable populations of homeless people in the United States. The Los Angeles Mission offers “hot meals, safe shelter, clothing, personal care, and life-
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transforming long-term rehabilitation to hungry, hurting and homeless men, women and children” (Los Angeles). Entering the Los Angeles mission no one would know what to except or how to react to the people of the shelter but once I did I saw benches of homeless men and women sitting down and relaxing. They had all their belongings gathered and held as closely next to them as possible. After we were escorted outside to the jacket give away I saw the frantic individual outside waiting fighting for their place in line to receive anything given to them. What struck me the most is that I saw a mother and her daughter in line as well. I had never seen a homeless child before and I observed her and her mother I realized that not all people chose this life. Volunteering at a shelter will realize living on the streets is another world you would never imagine encountering. The streets of Los Angeles is the reality of these citizens but by observing these people I learned to never judge a situation until you really think of the circumstances. Many women, men, and children become homeless not because they are lazy but due to mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, and financial and life circumstances. We must not forget that we can improve the circumstances for these people by improving programs geared towards the homeless.
.              Many women and children become homeless due to domestic violence.  For example “When a woman leaves an abusive relationship she has nowhere to go” (Domestic) due to “ lack of affordable housing and long waiting list for assisted housing mean that many women and their children are forced to choose between abuse at home or life on the streets. Moreover, shelters are frequently filled to capacity and must turn away battered women and their children. An estimated 29% of requests for shelter by homeless families were denied in 2006 due to lack of resources” (Domestic). Women and children who become homeless due to domestic violence
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have are already unstable and being put on the streets only intensifies the trauma they are dealing currently dealing with. Watching the mother and her family in the shelter you could tell the difference between their family and the average, the mother was constantly watching her surroundings to protect her children. You would only imagine how uncomfortable and fearful her and her family must be. “A ford foundation study stated 50 percent of homeless women and children are fleeing abuse” (Domestic). A number of shelters have been created specifically for domestic violence victims such as the House of Ruth, the Jenesse Center, the Haven House, Valley Oasis, and many others. These facilities offer shelter, food, programs, opportunity, and education to help further their re entry into the working society.
            Many people are also homeless due to mental illness. For instance “ 20 to 25 percent of the homeless population in the United States suffers from some form of Mental illness” (Mental). Whether these individuals are schizophrenic, bi-polar, or anti-social they are unable to sustain a normal life within society due to their mental condition. Many people say “why don’t they just get help?” because many mentally ill individuals loose control over their illness, along with some may not be able to afford to pay for their medication or chose not to take it. “Serious mental illnesses disrupt people’s ability to carry out essential aspects of daily life, such as self care and household management” (Mental). Explaining why so many mental ill people end being homeless because of their mental illness these individuals develop poor heath. “ Mental illness may cause people to neglect taking the necessary precautions against disease.  When combined with inadequate hygiene due to homelessness, this may lead to physical problems such as respiratory infections, skin diseases, or exposure to tuberculosis or HIV” (Mental). Many mental ill are raped because their “psychiatric condition may impair the ability of some homeless
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women to identify and avoid potentially violent situations” (Community) Substances abuse is also a cause of homelessness individuals become so dependent on drugs and alcohol they loose their family, friends, and often their jobs. “ Substance abuse is the single largest cause of homelessness” (Substance) In many situations substance abuse is a result of being homeless rather then a cause of homeless individuals who are homeless turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with their feelings and is an easy escape.
            Not all homeless have any self-problems at all some just had unfortunate luck talking to one a homeless mother, who preferred to stay anonymous stated “ everyday is a constant struggle, where they are going to stay, who they are going to encounter, how the whether is going to treat them that night” things the average American probably does not have to think about on a day to day bases but for this mother this was her reality. This is what is happening to many middle class citizens due to the recession and it is said numbers are bound to keep rising. Many individuals have lost their jobs, their houses, and end up having no choice but living on the streets. “ I never appreciated what I had before but now everyday I have learned to appreciate the little stuff I have here at LA Mission” the women said. “The government considers a family of four to be impoverished if they take in less than $22,000 a year”(CBS) which is very common now because of the lack of jobs in American. An individual who becomes homeless may start stealing become untrusting, to themselves, and develop paranoia; opposed to before they were carefree, loud, cheerful, and trusted the majority of people. Living on the streets is a different world these people never know what to expect they are living by day-to-day and only hope to survive. They no longer have anything they can call their own except the few belonging they have left. Their entire space has been violated and shaped them into individuals who have to fend
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for themselves. “I do not really know who to trust anymore”, stated the women. This epidemic needs to come to an end the United States needs to improve their tactics in trying to get these people all the streets so they can live safe and secure life’s because that is their right. No one should deserve to struggle whether they were mental ill, or use to live in a four-bedroom house and now have to sleep on the cold pavement of the sidewalks each night.
The Untied States needs to put their best foot forwards and improve their programs to keep people off the streets and having to resort living on the streets. Starting off with offering better programs to help the mentally ill and substance abusers, which end up going hand in hand. Many mentally ill are substance abusers but cannot find anywhere willing to help them to recover. “Many programs for homeless people with mental illnesses do not accept people with substance abuse disorders, and many programs for homeless substance abusers do not treat people with mental illnesses”(Substance). What does not make sense is if these people have both of these issues, why are they not qualifying for the help? Also, “Better mental health services would combat not only mental illness, but homelessness as well”(Mental). More funding towards these programs would help provide more housing for homeless individuals but the programs should be sure that they are providing the housing to the right people. For example “even if homeless individuals with mental illnesses are provided with housing, they are unlikely to achieve residential stability and remain off the streets unless they have access to continued treatment and services” (Mental) Housing should not be wasted on people who do not have the mental stability yet to get back on their feet. Housing should first be provided to those without illness, and those with mental and substance abuse issues should be put in rehabilitation programs that can help support their success to stability. Homelessness is a tragedy that needs to and can be stopped.
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People should not be having to live on the streets although some people do live on the streets by choice it does not mean they have no value to this society. These people are as important as a middle class American in this nation, they have purpose; they have feelings, and deserve the right to be given a second chance if they are willing to take it. The United States should not just give up on these people and throw them away because if you were in their shoes wouldn’t you want to be helped?

















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Work Cited
"Domestic Violence and Homelessness." Nationalhomeless.org. The National Coalition for the Homeless, Aug. 2007. Web.
"Los Angeles Mission." About History. Web. 26 Mar. 2012. <http://www.losangelesmission.org/AboutUs/History.aspx>.
Heslin, Kevin C., Paul L. Robisonson, Richard S. Baker, and Lilian Gelbery. "Community Characteristics and Violence against Homeless Women in Los Angeles." 1-4. Print.
"Homeless Children: The Hard times Generation." CBSNews. CBS Interactive, 06 Mar. 2011. Web. 22 Mar. 2012. <http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-18560_162-20038927.html>.
"Mental Illness and Homeless." Nationalhomeless.org. The National Coalition for the Homeless, July 2009. Web.
 "Substance Abuse and Homelessness." Nationalhomeless.org. The National Coalition for the Homeless, July 2009. Web.






            

            

Project Space: Justin Boyd Peer Critique


Anna Osuna
PAS 114B
March 22, 2012
Professor Broadous 

Justin Boyd Peer Critique: The Untouchables
Overall your essay was good the only thing I noticed is that you started off strong but you seemed to loose the power behind your essay here and there. Your first paragraph made it clear to the audience what your intentions and thesis were. I automatically knew that you took the standing point that homeless people need help from our government in order for them to succeed and get back on their feet. Your tone was definitely strong but depending on the audience they may see this paper as a little harsh towards the homeless population but your writing was so confident and straightforward that they will not even notice. I compliment you because you were able to say your beliefs and not be scared to displease the audience. However you also have to remember that this is a exploratory essay so maybe you should not make the paper sound like an opinion. Your structure and organization was good you wrote it in MLA format and remembered to put the page numbers at the top of each page. The grammar of this paper was not bad but some of the sentences seemed a little brief as if the sentence was not completed. The meaning of your essay was easily identified and I think you brought up good points in your essay you had five citations and used them to your advantage. Your evidence did support the points you made but I think your conclusion should be more captivating since your first paragraph was so strong. I would suggest that maybe you leave the audience thinking so they could actually internalize the information you just proposed in your paper. I did enjoy your essay though but I think if you just went back and supported your points with even more evidence it would be even better.