Anna Osuna
PAS 114B
March 22, 2012
Professor Broadous
Justin Boyd Peer Critique:
The Untouchables
Overall your essay was good
the only thing I noticed is that you started off strong but you seemed to loose
the power behind your essay here and there. Your first paragraph made it clear
to the audience what your intentions and thesis were. I automatically knew that
you took the standing point that homeless people need help from our government in
order for them to succeed and get back on their feet. Your tone was definitely
strong but depending on the audience they may see this paper as a little harsh
towards the homeless population but your writing was so confident and straightforward
that they will not even notice. I compliment you because you were able to say
your beliefs and not be scared to displease the audience. However you also have
to remember that this is a exploratory essay so maybe you should not make the
paper sound like an opinion. Your structure and organization was good you wrote
it in MLA format and remembered to put the page numbers at the top of each
page. The grammar of this paper was not bad but some of the sentences seemed a
little brief as if the sentence was not completed. The meaning of your essay
was easily identified and I think you brought up good points in your essay you
had five citations and used them to your advantage. Your evidence did support
the points you made but I think your conclusion should be more captivating since
your first paragraph was so strong. I would suggest that maybe you leave the
audience thinking so they could actually internalize the information you just
proposed in your paper. I did enjoy your essay though but I think if you just
went back and supported your points with even more evidence it would be even
better.
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